So, Is Your Relationship Healthy?
A. Can you say what you like or admire about your partner?
B. Is your partner glad that you have other friends?
C. Is your partner happy about your accomplishments and ambitions?
D. Does your partner ask for and respect your opinions?
E. Does she/he really listen to you?
F. Can she/he talk about her/his feelings?
G. Does your partner have a good relationship with her/his family?
H. Does she/he have good friends?
I. Does she/he have interests besides you?
J. Does she/he take responsibility for her/his actions and not blame others for her/his failures?
K. Does your partner respect your right to make decisions that affect your own life?
L. Are you and your partner friends? Best friends?
If you answered most of these questions with a yes, you probably are not in a relationship that is likely to become abusive. If you answered no to some or most of these questions you may be in an abusive relationship, please continue with the next set of questions.
Is Your Partner Healthy?
a. When your partner gets angry does she/he break or throw things?
b. Does your partner lose her/his temper easily?
c. Is your partner jealous of your friends or family?
d. Does your partner expect to be told where you have been when you are not with her/him?
e. Does your partner think you are cheating on her/him if you talk or dance with someone else?
f. Does your partner drink or take drugs almost every day or go on binges?
g. Does she/he ridicule, make fun of, or put you down?
h. Does your partner think there are some situations in which it is okay for a man to hit a woman or a woman to hit a man?
i. Do you like yourself less than usual when you have been with your partner?
j. Do you ever find yourself afraid of your partner?
If you answered yes to questions in this group, please be careful and think about your safety.
Characteristics of a Healthy and Enjoyable Friendship or Dating Relationship
Honesty & Trust
Giving real compliments
Using “I” messages to share feelings
Asking for what we want, not expecting they owe it to us
Asking (not accusing) each other about rumors
Disagreeing without put-downs or threats
Respecting their right to be safe and to control their own body and decisions
Trying to understand their feelings, even if we disagree with their ideas
Caring to find out their point-of-view
Asking what they think and how they feel
Empathizing by putting ourselves in their shoes; guessing what they feel
Saying what we think we heard to check for understanding
Asking what is important to them
Freedom & Encouragement
We have the right to our own, and support each other’s rights to have, opinions, feelings, space, activities, friends, and dreams
Expressing fears, instead of claiming ownership, when jealous
Either person can decide to breakup
Hanging out together sometimes
Doing things each person enjoys
Encouraging each other’s enjoyment and success
Learning from each other
Helping each other (while respecting our own limits)
Giving gifts sincerely, not to get something back; the thought, not the $ counts
Showing our care through consistent respect (not abuse followed by apologies)
Telling things that we like and appreciate about each other
Each decides if, how, and when we want to be to touched; checking to insure affection is mutual
Respecting each other’s values, property, bodies, pace, & limits; stopping if one says, “No”
Deciding things together, not ordering
Splitting costs fairly
Searching for win-win solutions
Whoever pays, no one owes anyone kisses, touching, or anything else